Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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