i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
