bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
