im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
