she was so not down for the gang bang
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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