i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
