I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.