I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??