you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?