youre lurking in front of me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.