Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
