im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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