period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
