I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
