Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
