Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
