I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Holy sore nipples Batman
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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