home. puking in laundry basket.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
