Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
