I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Small penises have feelings too.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
