apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
