just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She bit a glass in half.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
