I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize