I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
