3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Plan B is the new Plan A
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
