Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
