Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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