Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
