And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
