Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
