Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
