I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
