She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
