I'm so fucking centered right now
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
