party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
