the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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