Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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