i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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