If i come over, it means nothing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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