You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
