Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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