Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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