just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In other news, I just burned my penis
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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