can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
