you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
