whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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