I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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