Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
