If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
