i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
