I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
