How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
