haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
