thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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