i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
