I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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