What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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