at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Bring me that man meat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
