Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
