I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
