If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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