i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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