Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize