People in love make me want to vomit
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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