Only a mothe r could love this liver
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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