we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
