Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
