i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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