Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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